Halloween

this halloween had to be the best one EVER. Got to spend it with a friend that became a bit more then a friend back in the summer. her man felt insecure and put the lock and chain on shorty so i havent seen her in AGES, damn i missed her. just staring at her eyes got me wondering what if i was her man, what if she would of deaded him in the summer and got with me? lol i'm pretty sure i would make it last. im trying to figure out what is it about her that got me thinkin a future wit her, shit i barely think about a future wit any female but.. hmm i really like this chick, maybe if i spend more time wit her my feelings would grow and i can actually take her from dat nigga, dey say love is blind and she's a clear example cuz dat nigga aint right for her AT ALL. now i think 2 my self wat makes me better, well i cant explain but in due time i can prove i am, if she would let me.
if she gives me a chance i have 2 take it, i'm gonna take it, fuck that nigga. i'm lookin like a mean hater but fuck it, ima try my hardest to convince her im the one for her, and hopefully make her mine if i can actually ask her 2 be mine and not avoid the question.. always fuckin happen when im nervous... lol im leakin secrets like crazy, thank god the ppl i gave da link 2 dis prolly lost it lol i miss everything about this girl.. kiss, touch even the convos we had, she's like da only one dat understands me... fuck it this time, i cant let her go, i wont, once he slips im IN THERE! before the end of the year... ima make her mine.. i promise =]

Ink game

Well my ink aint all that serious but hopefully by next year it will be. I still haven't covered this damn ring finger tat which idk why I'm slackin. Maybe cuz idk wth 2 put on it... Might just throw a star on it and call it a day lol I kno my x gon be kinda upset but idc, I never loved her and she never loved me, I guess it was just lust. She prolly wanted 2 see wat I'm about and I wanted 2 kno if she could take it. Lol I'm guessin. But wats funny is I have a S on my chest n she thought that was for her, which wasint and she noticed that after I put her nickname. Bitch started askin me why I did dat if I had da S... Lol Idk if I told her it wasn't for her... But I think she got it. Garunteed b4 da year is over I'm gonna cover it up.. I just need 2 kno wat 2 cover it with... Hmm.....

Recently

I been thinkin it over... And I been on my bummy shit for a bit 2 long now. I don't wanna go back to dat high skool shit n care bout wat ppl think but I think its time for me 2 get back on my fly shit. I'm just debatin on when 2 start it, since I don't even go out like dat. Well whenever it happens ppl will notice the difference.

Saturday

Damn its been a peaceful day but boring at the same time. Since this god damn cold sore I haven't been wantin to leave my house cuz shit lowers my self esteem. I hate when ppl look at it, I usualy don't care wat ppl think but when there constantly lookin at u it bothers. So I been in my house since thursday night and just gonna go out 2morrow to buy my lebrons fuck that shit I don't wanna be seen 2morrow. Monday ima go 2 work and not look at anybody lol but I bet they gon look at me. Let's see if I get more hrs and if it goes away...hopefully it will cuz I can't live like dis... Plus I need a shape up... Cuz sheesh I'm lookin outta control.

About... Me

Well I have spoken about everything but the king ELZ, so I think its time I give u some info about myself. I'm part of a team called S.B. (You should know that by now) I'm from a small hood called Dyckman in uptown manhattan. I finished high school and just not ready to go 2 college. I feel like everythin I want I get but it wasn't always like this. Nowadays I have 2 work hard for things I want but I'm here thinkin of faster ways to get it. I can't sit in my room for long because my thoughts remain in my head so when I'm outside it actually let's them breathe. I'm not perfect in fact I'm very far from it but I feel like I'm not completely sane, I kno I'm a lil bonkers but fuck it, I keep it cool so u won't notice it. I think outside the box so before I do anything I think about ALL my options and consequences. I'm addicted to tats it facinates me, the art, the color, its amazing. Since little I never got wat I wanted like sneakers so the older I get the more I get. I just wanna get everything I couldn't before but I think I buy all these things 2 hide the demons dat haunt me... Idk why I would write all this on a blog instead of talkin it 2 sum1 but I feel a sence of relief 2 get shit out my chest. But this post is pointless, atleast I think so. But maybe if I die and u decide 2 google my name and find this, u will kno more about me, kno somethings dat went thru my head that u would of never knew cuz I wouldn't of spoken it 2 anybody. Allow me to re introduce you... To me... Nice to meet u

A little thing bout me...

Call it weird... But if I'm use 2 seein u as a loser, it gets weird when u start changin around. I kinda hate it, like the weather changin randomly. Like scrams was a herb now he wanna be like me, talk money like me, nahhh play ur position. Guess I'm a little hater, don't want u 2 be in the position I'm in. I feel like god put me where I'm at for a reason and left u where u are for anotha reason. Fuck it... I just gotta act like its a one way and I don't see nobody... Yea... Guess dats wat ima do... Stack ur bread slime, let's see if u can catch up.

Rosario

I can say she was my first real confusion. Confusion as in, I fell in love with her and was confused on how she felt about me. Me n her wasn't ment to be we really just happend. When I first seen her I knew I wanted her so I chased her on the friend tip until I felt I could go for it. We dated but she wanted 2 go on a break confused da fuck outta me but I delt wit it. Came back and things weren't the same. Me being the fuckin celeb I was in skool, everyday there would be a new rumor about me datin or messin with somebody new. I knew who was sayin dis shit but I couldn't be seen talkin 2 dat bitch cuz den u kno... Da next rumor would be I'm messin wit her ass and I wasint wit dat. So word kept gettin back 2 her and of course she wasint likein dat. I would tell her babe its not true but I'm one person to a lot sayin da same shit... At the end of the day I lost her and her and da bitch dat broke us up, the one dat wished death on my girl became friends wit her..smh. I don't kno how the hell that happend but I delt wit it and moved on but I always think about her, remember her birthday, her favorite movie, like important shit, I always wondered wat had happen if we would of stayed 2gethere, would she show her feelings? Would I had met her parents? Would I had proposed 2 her on prom like I had plan 2? We still talk from time 2 time, but shorty rosario was my "what if" girl. I miss her a lot, havin her was a dream but now... I'm awake

True Story

I see it I'm in it
I get it I spend it
Comfortable living till the muthafuckin finished

I AINT 4GET!

I still got the blog in the back of my head, i have 2 many thoughts running in my mind for me to stop and focus on one and write it on my blackberry. im bout 2 drop like 5 post 2morrow... lets see how i feel tho.

DAY #365

I'm 21! about time! hopefully i can start doing uhh "grown up" things lol 

I Would Be Lying...

If I didint say I was exited for my birthday. So yea I am, finally turning 21... Sheesh been waitin a minute 2 be da "legal" age to do shit. Even tho I been doin everythin I "couldn't" do since like 14. I want 2 get my licence so I don't have 2 see dat damn under 21 in bold letter shit lol go in a random liquor store n cop some shit n laugh when they ask me for I.d. Lol ima mess :P

The Sun Shines After The Storm...

Looks Familiar? 

WOWWW! [throwback]

Miami?

Got offered to go to miami on wed till tuesday. I am soooo considering it, I need a vacation from the city lol ima come back wit the I'll tan n shit n nobody gon kno where the fuck I was hidin at. I'm still debatin about tellin my mother lol I just wanna dissapear, but I don't wanna have sex wit the chick takin me. Ima fight it all the way thru, prolly bag a bitch from over there or sumthin. I got until tomorrow at 8 to decide.... When u see beach pics den dat mean I decided to go :P (happy birthday 2 me! Lmfao)

-UPDATE

i rather not... 

I Want Her

so i kno who i want, shes 19, lives around my way, went 2 my skool and is super duper cute... i remember i didint wanna even look at her cuz of how immature she was but that was then and this is now. shorty looks like she knows what she wants and seems to be like my type, i say seem cuz i havent talked 2 her as much as i want 2. i doubt by the time im ready to date she'll be available cuz she look good but lets see wat happens... maybe i get her b4 i get my life 2gethere and she'll help me get it together. 

-UPDATE

shorty got a lot of baggage... i rather not

This Blog..

This blog is a mystery to A LOT of people. I only gave the link to 2 people and as I write my shit I sit here and wonder, do they still have the link? did they forget it? do they read it to see whats goin on with my life? do they care? i think a few people dont like me already or think im bugged out, with this blog being public will that increase? will that decrease? will they understand where im comin from? what goes on my mind? maybe... maybe not... who knows?

FUCK....

strollin thru myspace... stumble on the page of a ex girlfriend of mine. I thought i was over here but when i see her pics... and look in her eyes i remember all the love i had for her and how much i miss her. i thought i got over her BY NOW... but im still stuck on the fuckin pass... im sittin here typing this and thinking... i might have to get a girlfriend, start things brand new... see if i can 4get about her... but if she catches feelings and i dont, then that wouldnt be fair for her.... damn... this shit just fucks me up... 3 am.. and a bitch got me buggin... damn...

Chillin With A Friend....

So... I'm thinkin bout chillin wit one of my female friend but shorty has had (maybe still does) feelings for me. The problem with that is I don't see her like that, I just wanna chill with her cuz she's a great friend. But everytime I spend a lot of time with a female she tends to catch feelings even tho we don't kiss or have sex. Last time I chilled with a girl mad times I cought feelings and she had a boyfriend so dat was a dead end, so I don't want that to happen now. I really don't wanna hurt her feeling and I don't wanna catch no feelings so I guess ima chill wit shorty but ignore her when I have 2, just 2 let her kno we friends and nothin more... Maybe... We can be more, but for now?.... Just friends

Before the ink

U like?

Future Tat...

I like this album, NOT THIS MUCH, but c'mon son, this shit is FIRE!

My Princess...

i love my lil sis with all my fuckin heart, but she lied to me about something so stupid and that got me upset, how do u lie to someone who keeps it 100 with you and gives you wat he can? so wtv i havent spoken to her for about 2 months already and she put on her myspace this pic [below] it kinda made me tear a bit after reading all that... but its true wat ppl say, u can protect her so much but she has 2 learn things on her own 2... so this is a learnin period for my lil princess... hope she makes it and doesnt do anythin else stupid.. even if im not talkin 2 her physically im still with her mentally... ily little one...

on another note

im tired of trying to right like im in skool, ima write the way i want to... regardless, who ever reads this is gonna judge me by what i write more then how i write it.. so sit back and enjoy my venting 

This One Chick...

She wants to be my girl, tells me she loves me, calls me baby BUT she tells anotha nigga the same shit.. lol now i dont understand how other females tell me why am i so mean 2 girls. Why do i degrade women by callin them bitches, c'mon with shit like dat? i think its obvious... BITCHES AINT SHIT... u focus on women u'll get less done, thats why i put bitches at the bottom of my list. I have other things to worry about

Hmm....

Today I'm suppose to get my tat but idk if my artist is finished... If he is den a picture of my tat will follow this post if he's not finish then obviously u not goin to see a pic lol boring ass day don't kno wth 2 do, got payd less den wat I expected so dat limits wat I wanna do now its about wat I can do, let's see if everything I want goes accordingly but with my luck... I doubt it

So...

I been slackin... So much shit goin on... This da only place I can vent... Its like supermans fortress of solitude... I might do this everyday.. From now till I get tired of it... But still can't give the link 2 ppl... I don't need em knowin shit dey don't have 2